12-14-13 - Bullies

One of the nasty ways that men bully women (and sometimes other men, but it's a particular weapon for men against their female lovers) is with "rational thought".

Basically this consists of ignoring the subtext and real meaning of what she's saying and forcing her to express something in a factual rational way. This is a really nasty form of abuse and bullying. You'll see the man saying things like "that doesn't make any sense" or "can you explain what that means, because I really don't understand what you're asking for" or "no, that doesn't follow from that, just tell me what you're trying to acheive", etc. Then she gets upset and the man is self-righteous "I didn't do anything! I'm just trying to talk to you and get you to make sense!".

You fucking dick. What she's saying is "I want to do this, and I want you to support me" or "please show me how to do this in a kind way" or "you're shutting me out" or "you're being selfish" or "open up to me" or "I feel insecure and need love" or "just let me have this without explaining it" or whatever it is. Usually an unspoken message, that's quite clear if you would just get off your "rational argument" high horse and actually listen.

I find this type of bullying particularly offensive, because I love rational arguments, and it's a shame to see them used as a nasty weapon.

Another type of bullying, often used by husband against wife, but also often used in the work place, is the "let's talk about" / "we have to agree on this".

These assholes will pretend that they're just being fair - "look, this decision affects both of us, so we need to talk and come up with a solution we're both happy with".

In fact they are using talking as a weapon. They will keep talking until you agree with their way. They will say we need a meeting to establish a "consensus" , but to them consensus means their way. Even if the meeting goes against them, they'll keep talking about their way and call more meetings until everyone agrees. They won't let it go until you get frustrated and annoyed and just let them win.

Again these guys will be all self-righteous and act like they are being totally reasonable - "you can't just make decisions that affect all of us without getting an agreement first". Oh yes I can, because if I talk to you about anything you will make it a big problem every time.

Talking and agreeing is all well and good, but only if all parties are willing to compromise and let the other side win sometimes. If one side is unreasonable then the "discussions" are just bullying and abuse.