12-11-13 - Baby Baby Baby - 2

There are moments when I'm playing with Baby and Mom when it just feels so sweet, like this is what life is for, that there's nothing else I'd rather do. Those moments are delightful but brief. It's really easy to be with baby for 1-2 hours a day, beyond that it gets hard.

Moms that have nannies and jobs are not real "moms". I can say that because that's how I'm defining the word "mom". A real Mom is broken down by the constant care of the baby. A real mom is frazzled, exhausted, totally bonded to the baby but also sort of fed up with the baby. A real mom gets a bit neglectful; well, neglectful is too strong, but there's a certain relaxedness that a real mom gets, it's a good thing. Part time moms have too much energy to devote when they are with baby and they're all hyper super-momming. Real moms know that babies are gonna crawl down stairs and play with electrical sockets and meh what are you gonna do, chill out and keep drinking your tea the baby will be fine.

"Real moms" become wonderfully chill about everything. You develop a new idea of how much you can accomplish in a day. The bar for "being dressed" or "clean house" is reset. I know these sound like bad things, but they're really very good. Adults without babies who are striving and trying to act all cool and expecting to accomplish things all the time are so frustrating. Fucking chill out. We're with out baby, the baby is healthy, nothing else matters, stop stressing.

Parents (ignoring the case of nannies / grandparent help / daycare / etc. real do it yourself full-time parents) generally spend linearly less time on their children as they get older. You spend almost 100% of your time with baby at first, then as baby grows up you spend less time simply because you *can*. Basically we parents want to spend as little time as possible with our children. That's not the conscious thought, but it is the reality based on actual behavior. As our children become more independent, we spend less time with them. It goes down and down until high school when you hardly speak to each other any more.

I'm now quite immune to the sound of babies crying. In fact I almost like it. I can fly on a plane now with a crying baby right behind me, and my reaction is to turn around so I can see the cute little bugger, not to turn around so I can glare meanly at the parents.

I have a new love of seeing other babies around the world. I guess I've always loved babies and children, but in my adult life I developed an uptightness that kept me from just going up to them and saying "coo coo" or playing with them. Now that I have my own baby I feel like it's a free pass to play with other babies.

One of the nice things about having a baby is when you go out in the world, you get to interact with people in their "you have a baby" mode, which for most people is better than the way they normally treat you. (adults are so fucking awful to each other all the time). You get to see people doing "ga ga" faces at the baby which is a great laugh, and they just smile and talk to you like a fucking human being. Anyone who doesn't smile and play with the baby I immediately judge and write off as a monster. At the opposite extreme, some people come up and immediately start poking their fingers at the baby, WTF keep your hands off my baby!

(it's sad to see people who are so uptight and boring and grumpy with other adults, but who light up and are sweet and playful with children. You can tell that the sweet/playful side is their true self, and the goodness has just been crushed out of them and they've learned to have this horrible closed off interaction with adults. Like me of course)

Baby was insanely hard from 0-3 months and has been pretty sweet and easy since then (relatively). Going through that hard time was good I suppose, because in a relative sense it makes everything else seem so easy.