10-23-13 - Baby Baby Baby

The Buddha was a baby abandoner.

His so-called quest for enlightenment started immediately after his first child was born, at which time he saw a future of changing diapers and not sleeping and saying "yes dear" and he got the fuck out of there. Yeah, I see what you did Buddha. I'm on to you.

Lots of the so-called "great men" of history have been baby-abandoners. Society has taught me that as long as you are famous, you can cheat on your wife, punch people, abandon your children, and just generally be a lout and nobody will care. In fact you will be celebrated for having "strong passions" or some shit like that. Hey, the rest of us have strong passions too, we just have some fucking morality and control, you scumbags.

There is a sort of panic that strikes many parents once you settle into life with baby. You feel very trapped. Not that having a baby is such a bad thing, it's not about that, it's not like "god this sucks I need to get out of here", it's just the realization that your life plan is now locked.

I, like most people I assume, have always had these fantasies that maybe I would drop everything and do something completely different with my life. Maybe I would quit my jobs and just go be a beach bum for the rest of my life. Or maybe I would go to wall street and work really hard and get rich. Or maybe I would try to be an actor. Who knows, all these absurd unrealistic fantasies in the back of my mind. But somehow it was comforting to think that even as I was grinding away drearily towards death in the life of a salaryman, maybe I could drop it all and go do these things. Baby puts an end to those fantasies. I can't ever drop it all now, I have to keep working, support the family, have to be responsible, and it's that prison of the future that creates the panic.

I know many dads that wouldn't mind having another baby; they love babies. The moms immediately say "awww hell no". These are clearly couples where the dad did not do much of the baby work.

Baby has gotten incredibly cute. She lights up and smiles when she sees us sometimes; it's like an instant kick in the stomach of happiness when the baby does that big smile at me, no matter how pissed I am at her it just melts away.

It's a good trick. It's so irresistable when someone just blasts a huge smile at you. I suppose that some adults use it to, like those really bubbly Southern Belle types that are just beaming huge smiles at everyone.

I think our baby has some kind of hyperactivity problem. I hope it settles down before she gets older. She's developing incredibly fast, she's super active, constantly energetic and engaged and needing stimulation. On the one hand it's encouraging (I'm glad she doesn't have brain damage) but god it's exhausting. We go to some baby play groups, and in comparison all the other babies are just sloths, they sit there and stare off into space. Our baby flops around smashing everything like a tiny Godzilla.