08-16-13 - Daily Misanthropy

Ugh. I know I would be so much happier if I would stop hating everyone in the world every day. I really hate to go to that dark place in my mind, it's very unpleasant for me, but I just don't see how I can not go there when I go out in the world and see the way that humans are. I'm not even talking about the deeply selfish rotten things that people do on a daily basis (like voting Republican). I'm talking about just the way people act in normal life every day.

Walking baby around the neighborhood, there are cars not stopping for the stroller. There are people walking dogs who let their dogs come right up to the stroller; WTF you asshole keep your fucking animal away from my child. There are people who have gone to work and left their dog in the yard to bark at the neighborhood all day, and people with their dogs running around off-leash who yell "stay!" and the dog completely ignores them and they laugh "ha ha he never does listen".

There are people at the grocery store leaving their cart in the middle of the aisle, people who push my cart from the edge of the aisle into the middle and then just leave it there without saying anything. There are people who pull out into the intersection and block traffic when there's a pedestrian crossing. You're all just so rotten, how can I not hate you?

The only solution I've found is just to not go out in the world. Or to go out only in very careful ways where I am more likely to be around decent human beings.

Lately I've been taking the light rail into the city once a week for a physical therapy appointment. It reminds me that I miss the city; it's fun to do something "urban". I love being on the crowded streets, walking around seeing all the people, how kids dress these days, the little random interactions. I love that little bit of exercise from walking places and short bike rides. It's nice to move outside of a car.

But the light rail makes me so depressed every time I ride it.

There are always a ton of people sitting in the double seats who put their purse or whatever in the seat next to them, or sit on the outside of the two seats. You fucking assholes. You're scum, you should just be immediately shot in the head for that. There's no excuse. You are intentionally preying on the fact that you know most people are such pussies that they won't ask you to move over, and for that you should die.

(I know there's a very popular "realist" attitude in the nerd community these days; that if the world lets me get away with this, I should do it. Fuck you.)

And then there are all the people who stand, looking at the seat wistfully, and don't do anything. WTF is wrong with you? All you have to do is ask them to move and they will. Don't let them get away with it! Fucking take that seat, you're so pathetic! I don't sentence you to death, but I do banish you to Pussy Island where you can hang out with all the other meek people not ever saying anything you want to each other.

And then there's me, sitting there feeling loathing for the previous two groups, getting myself all angry and depressed over nothing. Perhaps I'm the worst of the three. Sometimes I will ask someone to scoot over so that I can sit down, not because I actually want to sit there, but just because that fucker is not going to get away with it on my watch! How pathetic that my behavior is based on policing the world and not what I actually want.