08-01-13 - Self

Listen up, Self, we need to have a difficult conversation. I know this will be hard to hear, but if we're going to get along for the next 50 years, we've got to get this out in the open. I've got a lot of problems with my relationship with you; I'd like to get along with you, you're me, but it's been hard for me for a while. I'm going to tell you some bad things about you, and I want you to try not to get offended and hurt and just close off about it, please try to listen and respect my feelings, for us.

You treat everyone like a child. You're always condescending and pedantic, you're constantly teaching. You think you're so damn smart and you have so much to teach everyone. It's hard for you to even engage with people in any other way. It's particularly embarassing for you when you go off on a lecture about things you really are quite wrong about. It also is connected to the next one -

You're terrified of being seen to be wrong. You have this image of yourself as being so right all the time and everyone respecting you for it (they don't), that you hate to have that bubble burst. It makes you really stiff and tense all the time. If you would just be more humble and not act so sure all the time, maybe it wouldn't be such a big deal when you're wrong about something, you could just brush it off.

You never really listen. You have your own pre-conceived ideas and you're so set on them. You pop into the conversation to share your "wisdom" and then you shut down and don't really pay attention when other people are talking. If you would listen for once you might find that other people are saying interesting things. Your life might be better if you opened up to what others had to contribute. Maybe you could learn something.

You've created a very safe little isolated life for yourself. You don't put yourself in any situations where you might be uncomfortable. You don't push yourself to get better, to try new things, to meet new people. You lie to yourself and tell you that the things you have are the only things you want, that the life you don't have that other people have is shit.

You're incredibly hypocritical about money. You act like you aren't motivated by it, but really why would you have your career path if it wasn't a major factor to you? You act like you're so moral, like you're staunchly anti-patent, but in reality if someone offered you a huge pile of cash to patent something, you would take it. And then you would make up some reasons why it was okay.

You're extremely inflexible. You're basically just not fun. If someone else wants to do something beautiful and fun, you're likely to shut it down, waa I don't want to do that, hmm not now I don't feel good, oh that's not very good is it. What a bummer you are. Of course nobody wants to invite you to do fun things; you're a bummer!

You get along poorly with anyone you consider a peer or competition. In a group of adults and children, you're way more open with the children. I suppose it's that your ego is so fragile, you don't like to be around anyone who could challenge you, or anyone whose opinion matters to you, because it might not be good and then your fragile illusion would come crashing down. All adult males you can't really open up to or be natural.

You're not really emotionally honest with anyone in your life. Maybe your wife, a little bit, but that's it. All your other interactions are completely superficial and phony.

You're much nicer to hot women than you are to any other adult. It's completely obvious to any observer and pretty tacky. What's so sad about it is that you're not really even flirting; your base level of niceness is so low that when you ratchet it up for pretty girls you just get to a normal level of niceness. You really should be that nice to everyone all the time.

You've done okay in your life, but not through any initiative or boldness; you've never gone after your dreams or taken any risks. You preach about being responsible and providing for your family and blah blah, but those are really just excuses because you're afraid to really change your job or try something adventurous.